778. Time to Lighten it Up

In the midst of all the bad news are some memorable stories.
An Octogenarian’s ExplanationOctogenarian

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now – in her 80’s – a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it)

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

 

The Jewish Tie SalesmanJewish tie salesman desert

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very
frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack
– selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an
over-priced western adornment – I spit on your ties. I need water!”

“Sorry, I have none – just ties – pure silk – and only $5.”

“Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little
neck and choke the life out of you but… I must conserve my energy and find
water!”

“Okay,” said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not
want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me
infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue
over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant.
It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need… Go In Peace.”

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead and gasped…

“They won’t let me in without a tie!”Jewish tie

OTHER “LIGHTER SIDE” ARTICLES


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